in the face

It has been quite some time. I figured I had to share this story with my reader. (Hi Darren's mom!!!)

So for St. Patty's day I went over to Darren's house for dinner and to hang out. After hanging out a while I decided to head home and go to bed because I'm and old man and that is what I do. Go to bed early. As I was leaving, I did something I've never done before. I opened the door to leave and opened it into my face. No I didn't open the door and walk into it. I opened it straight into my face.

It wasn't like I grazed the fleshy tip either. I hit the bone part. You know, the part that is CONNECTED TO YOUR SKULL!!!!

Holy crap I'm an idiot.

PS. I was stone sober.

two of my favorites

are you there emily, it's me jason

So the Saga of Emily Beers may not quite be finished. I haven't posted my roommate ad on Craigslist for over a month so it should be out of the system. However, I got several calls/texts this weekend asking about the availability.

From Florida.

Here is a text exchange I had with someone:
Him: Hey is your room still for rent?
Me: Ya, you interested?
Him: Definitely. It sounds like a good fit. Can you tell me how close it is to The University of West Florida?
Me: Well I assume the University of West Florida is in Florida so I'd say roughly 3,000 miles.
Him: What? I don't get it. You're not in Pensacola?
Me: I'm in Portland, Oregon. Someone must have cut and pasted my ad.

Today I went and found my ad and flagged it for removal. I don't know who copied my ad to Florida, but if it was you Ms. Beers, well played.

Well played.

EDIT:
2.21.11 - Now getting calls from Mississippi, flagged the ad for removal.

~jmr

maybe i'll have to see a cutter

I have a doctor appointment today. The first one I've had in 3 years. I had a doctor in Portland who I went to 3 years ago for some sinus issues and have never been back since. Well, about 5 months ago I got a Dear John letter from him saying he was breaking up with me and is no longer my doctor.

Today I'm going in to see a new doctor. My knee has been sore/stiff/swollen since Tuesday night and I'm thinking that with all the CrossFit I've been doing I aggravated an old injury to my meniscus.

I actually hope that there is something wrong with it, not just a ice and ibuprofen thing. I'd like to get whatever is wrong fixed.

~jmr

freddy's pedi

I ripped my hands at CrossFit yesterday and needed to file and remove some pretty big callouses from the pads of my hands. I went to Freddy's last night to get a pumice stone or one of those dumb pedi-eggs I've seen on TV. Not knowing where to look I asked an employee for help.

Jason: I have some pretty big callouses on my hands that I need to shave or file down, where can I find something to do that?
Fred Meyer Employee: We carry emery boards over by the ladies nail care stuff on isle (blah blah blah)
J: An emery board isn't going to cut it. I need something more heavy duty, like one of those pedi-egg things from tv.
FME: Oh so you need something like a pedi-file?
J: just stares at her until she realizes what she said
FME: We also have several different pedi-fil...(realizes what she is saying)...oh my god I can't believe I said that. We have files back there for giving pedicures that should work.
J: Thanks.

~jmr

the saga of emily beers, part 3

Last time we left our heros, they were in the middle of an epic email exchange. In case you missed it, here is part 1 and part 2.

This is my reply to Emily beers's email:

Dear Miss Emily beers,
Hey there wee bonnie lass!! Am glad to hear you am very happy for receiving my email AND am so much appreciate your rather long response. Like you, am humble person. Like you am so humble that don't like to even type the word I. You know, so to keep as humble as possible. Realize you are very busy, but would like to meet before you move in. Am you saying you am not able to hop and a flight for the afternoon, fly from VT to OR and come check out the place? Am sad.

Am very sad.

YOU LIKE TOURSING!?!?!? I LOVE TOURSING!!! AND YOU LOVE DISHING?!?!? I EFFING LOVE DISHING, EVEN MORE THAN TOURSING!!!! One question, have you ever tried carring? You really have to try carring. Sometimes when feel blue or sad or just need some alone time, I just car around and it makes me feel better. Am sure you would love it!!!

Am glad you were able to be member of the Red Cross Association and get away from your uncle. He sounds like a handful and sorta creepy. Am 29 years of age, you must have been born at a really young age to only be 25. You studied university in Ireland? I Thought they spoke English in Ireland? Or are you talking irish-ebonics to try and make me think you are cool?

My buddy and am were talking about you last name. How cool it is that you last name is beers, and you are Irish!! Such a coincidence for your nationality to be one that is often thought of as a bunch of drunks, and your last name is something that can get you drunk! So cool. That would be like my name being Jason slobbyfatass. How cool would that be?

Well thanks for your enquiry. I'll keep you in mind. Am must confess that your confession of being ok with the price puts my heart at ease. I want an honest, responsible, hardworking roommate who I can talk with. Look at us go, we are both confessing things to each other and we haven't even met. I have plenty of room for the little of your furnatures. Am sure you read in the ad that I have three bedrooms.

Though am just like you in the way that I work when I am to, and relax when I am to, and also like sharing my thoughts, I don't think the rooming together will be such a good idea. Feel free to still send your picture in your next email.

Jason slobbyfatass

the saga of emily beers, part 2

Why am moving and my work:

Am moving over to your state because i understand that i'll be doing good over there,as have been told by my uncle's friend who have once live over there. And i will be working with any hospital around you as i am also making necessary enquiries on that now....

Am sure You 'll really like the person that i am ,because i will also do the dishing if you like,I work when i am to and relax when i am to,I also like sharing my thoughts also....paying rent on time will not be a problem as i will also be making the rent fee before the month ends....

Right now.I ve the support of my uncle about my well being,so you shouldn't be bothered about if i am competent of paying the rent ..

I must confess am comfortable with the price and I will want to secure the place down before my arrival so i will want you to tell me all about the place,as i can't see it before my arrival but the pictures...I also will want you to know that i have my car that i will be coming over with,and little of my furnitures,please let me know if there will be room for them..

With all that i ve said above,I have told you more about me and more picture of mine will be attach in the next email,Let me also know how i can go about securing the place down before my arrival as i will also be busy from next week preparing to come over and let me know if you can take off the ad off the site as i am going to secure the place with a deposit

Feel free to ask me any question and as i ve said,i am looking to move in by the availability of the place,but want to secured it now.
Thanks..